All is Bright - A Yorkshire
Lad's Christmas
by Dave Preston
Excerpt – Chapter 1 ~ The Christmas Kiss
Me and me dad were in the kitchen, untangling the Christmas lights for
the tree, not that we had one yet. We always waited until just before
Christmas cos that’s when they got cheap.
“Hey, you’ll never guess what the carol singers from the church
made the other night,” said Mam as she came in.
“No,” he said.
“Go on, guess,” said Mam.
“Ten quid,” said Dad.
“Twenty-seven pounds!” me mam said. “Twenty-seven!”
“Twenty-seven quid! And they were only out for an hour weren’t
they?”
“Yes,” said Mam, “mind there was a good turnout, the
full choir.”
It got me thinking did that. Twenty-seven pounds just for singing a few
Christmas songs. I could sing.
By the time I went to bed the plan was just about made. I’d go
carol singing the next night, and make a fortune. But I didn’t like
the idea of going by meself. I’d need a mate, someone who could
sing, someone who could walk round the village at night, and most of all,
someone who could keep quiet about it.
Most of the kids in our school came in on a bus, from the farms roundabout.
There were only twelve kids lived in the village itself. When you took
away the infants and all the kids younger than me, and the five who were
up at the big school, there was only one left. Josie Carter. A girl! Mind,
she could sing. But I couldn’t go round with a girl. Never. I couldn’t
get to sleep that night.
Next day at school I kept looking round at all the kids in our class.
When we sang the morning hymn I listened to ‘em all. Most of ‘em
sounded alright, but that was only when we all sang together. If Mrs Heath
ever wanted just one person to sing, she either asked me, or… yeah,
Josie Carter. It had to be her. Or nobody, and I wasn’t going to
let all this money go as easy as that. I’d have to ask her at playtime,
in secret.
I kicked me football across to her, and when I went to get it back,
I whispered. I want a word.
“Yeah?” she said.
Shh, I said, No not here, after school, at Woody’s shop corner,
right?
“Alright,” she said, and I went back to me mates.
After school she was waiting for me just around the corner from the shop.
Now then, I said, Do you want to make some easy money?
“I’m not showing you me knickers,” she said.
No, not that, I mean carol singing.
She said “Carol singing?”
Yeah, you an me, tonight.
“Where?”
Round t’village.
“Ooh, I don’t know ‘bout that,” she said, “I
think I’d rather show you me knickers.”
Aw, come on, I said, It’ll be a doddle. And think of all the money!
That church lot made twenty-seven quid!
“Oh, alright then, come for me at seven o’clock.”
No, I’ll meet you back here.
“Righto, see ya,” and she skipped off up Westgate, singing
Away in a Manger.
I could hardly eat me tea I was that excited. At five to seven I went
back to the shop corner and Josie was waiting. She was all wrapped up
with a scarf and gloves, as well as her duffle coat.
Now then, I said, Let’s start at t’other end, and we walked
up the village to the New Row.
“Righto, shall we knock and then start singing?”
No! I said, We’ll sing first, then knock. And you’ll have
to take that scarf off else they won’t hear you.
“But what if they’re watching telly, they won’t hear
us, and when we knock they’ll think we’ve just come and want
another song.”
No, I said, It’s best if we just sing. They’ll stop what they’re
doing and listen. I’ve seen this happen in a film once. Then we
knock and they give us money. S’easy.
“Alright then,” she said. I liked Josie, cos she never argued
for long.
See, what Josie didn’t realize was that as soon as we knocked
on the door, I was going to bugger off round the nearest corner, leaving
her to get the money. I wanted it to snow cos that makes people feel more
Christmassy, and they’d feel sorry for us being out here and give
us more money. But it was a bit foggy instead, which was alright cos it
was easier to hide in.
First place we tried there was nobody in, even though there was a light
on. Then we went next door and Mrs Dobson gave us threepence for two verses
of Good King Wenceslas. This was going to be easy.
We soon had the routine down – we’d sing two verses, Josie
would knock and I’d bugger off. Then she’d come and find me
and tell me what we’d been given.
Mrs Bradshaw said she hadn’t got any change and gave Josie an
orange instead. By eight o’clock we’d done all the houses
we wanted to. A lot of people seemed to be out, even though their lights
were on, and the telly.
Had enough? I said, as we got to the corner of Westgate.
Yeah, and I’m a bit cold,” she said, “Can I put me
scarf back on?” She’d had to take her gloves off anorl, so
people could hear her knocking. Alright, let’s go to your lane end
and sort out what we’ve got.
We pulled out all the coins and put ‘em on the wall and started
counting. We had one-and-six between us.
“Don’t forget the orange,” said Josie, holding it up
like it was the FA cup. Oh aye, I said, But I don’t like oranges,
you can have it.
“Ta,” she said. Then I suddenly realized this was part of
our earnings. Hey, how much is it worth?
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, “me mam always buys
at least six. I think she pays about two bob.” I started doing the
sums in me head…
“Fourpence,” she said. Is it? Are you sure? Fourpence apiece?
Right then, so if that orange is worth fourpence, and we add that to the-one-and
six, we get, er…
“One-and-ten,” she said. Right, one-and-ten, between the two
of us that makes, er…
“Eleven pence each,” she said.
Alright then, eleven pence each. Hang on, it doesn’t work, I said.
It won’t go, we haven’t got enough pennies. I suddenly had
an idea. Hey that’s a bloomin’ big orange, I said. I bet you
wouldn’t get six o’ them for two bob. I’d bet you’d
only get, ooh, maybe four.
“You mean sixpence each?”
Aye, I said, If you keep that I’ll have the tanner we’ve got
here and we’re all even, right. And I shoved the two threepenny
bits in her coat pocket and put the rest of the cash in mine.
Right, I said, I’ll be off then.
“Yeah,” she said, “It was a laugh eh?” See ya,
and I turned to go.
“Hey Derek?” Yeah? I said, and when I turned back she was
right in front of me, taking her scarf off.
“What about a Christmas kiss then?” You what? I said.
“Go on Derek, it’s nearly Christmas, and I know you won’t
give me one at school.” Damn right I won’t I thought to meself.
Then I had a sudden brainwave, Aw, sorry I said, I’ve got no mistletoe.
Kuh!
“We don’t need mistletoe, that’s just for old folks,
come here.” And she grabbed the front of me duffle coat and pulled
me in. She was the same height as me, and her nose was really close. I
could feel her breath.
Then she closed her eyes, really slow, and her lips kind of squished up
together and reached out, all on their own, towards me. I couldn’t
move.
Everything went quiet. I stopped breathing. She stopped breathing. Everything
stopped. I think the street light might have gone out cos it suddenly
seemed to go all dark and then before I knew what was happening…
I was doing it. Giving her a kiss. Me! I was kissing Josie Carter, right
there at t’bottom of Westfold! Kissing… on the mouth, and…
and… and by gum it felt good! Lovely...
Not like a kiss from me mam, or me aunt Judy, or like any other kiss
I’ve ever had. It was bloomin’ great. Nice. Warm. Better than
toffee, better than chocolate, even better than Turkish Delight. I closed
me eyes anorl. Me and Josie were kissing. Oh…
Then she stopped and took her lips away. I could feel the cold air on
me face again…
“Goodnight!” And she turned and ran up the lane towards her
house. I felt a bit dizzy, and suddenly remembered I had to breathe and
sucked in a great big lungful, then blew it all back into the night, like
smoke from a gun.
I turned and ran anorl, all the way back home, with streetlights twinkling
and the carol singing money jangling in me pocket.
I was still a bit dizzy when I walked into the house. They were all
in the front room, and me dad was still on the floor with the Christmas
lights. He didn’t say anything.
“There you are, Derek,” Mam shouted, “come and see yer
Aunt Hilda. She has to leave in a minute.”
She must have come to bring the Christmas presents I thought, so I took
me coat off. Me aunt Hilda was a big woman, real big. She could lift a
bag o’coal with one hand. Dad said she was a useful woman. She lived
on her own at the edge of the moors.
Some kids said she was a witch, but she wasn’t really. She had
the wrong hair for a start, it was all white. She would have made a good
Mrs for Father Christmas cos she had white whiskers anorl. On her top
lip and all over her chin, but you weren’t supposed to notice ‘em.
Mind, you couldn’t help but.
As soon as I got near she grabbed hold o’ me.
“Now then, young Derek,” she said, “say
‘ello to your old aunt Hilda! Would you like a Christmas kiss?”
No thank-you, I said, I’ve just had one.
~*~
Need the language guide? And the Yorkshire
Christmas recipes in the book are delicious!
The book also tells you what snacks to leave out
for Santa when he visits your home on Christmas Eve - it all depends
on the weather!
© Dave Preston 2007 All rights
reserved |
